tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5141319040539099873.post2004207806426609754..comments2023-05-19T13:10:03.176+01:00Comments on Winter: The Four Seasons of Haikuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12478161106526373316noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5141319040539099873.post-58088065000140559642011-02-01T11:51:36.268+00:002011-02-01T11:51:36.268+00:00Ah... reading Rachel's original haiku and then...Ah... reading Rachel's original haiku and then all your comments, has triggered off an inspirational playfulness about it! <br /><br />under a layer of frost<br />sparkles--<br />on the grassBeatrice Vhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09492224274542764248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5141319040539099873.post-22881291515824309692011-02-01T08:40:42.583+00:002011-02-01T08:40:42.583+00:00I see your point, Dennis. :-) In my mind, I was se...I see your point, Dennis. :-) In my mind, I was seeing it the other way round - from the larger scenery to the detail of the grass. The element of surprise is the same, it's just a different angle.Mömehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05866102481591851724noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5141319040539099873.post-15232909384638362842011-01-31T16:22:27.840+00:002011-01-31T16:22:27.840+00:00I preferred the original. In my imagination I was ...I preferred the original. In my imagination I was looking first at the sparkling grass; then I was surprised by the sunbeams and looked upward. In the revised version the surprise is reduced.Dennis Tomlinsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15392008080036061354noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5141319040539099873.post-24609652987211146802011-01-31T11:06:37.325+00:002011-01-31T11:06:37.325+00:00This is beautiful, Rachel! What if you swapped the...This is beautiful, Rachel! What if you swapped the first and the last line?<br /><br />morning sunshine<br />under a layer of frost<br />the grass sparklesMömehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05866102481591851724noreply@blogger.com