Winter

fog obscures the street
smoking a cigarette
next door's taxi waits

Area 17 said...: fog obscures the street
smoking a cigarette
next door's taxi waits

Or maybe?

fog-filled street
the taxi driver's cigarette
next door joins it

Alan
Area 17

.; January 19, 2010
Cassiopeia Rises said...: Like this one very much. Images are clear.

Melanie; January 21, 2010
Rachel Green said...: Thank you both.

Alan -- I struggled with this one as you can tell. 'Next door' was too much information.; January 27, 2010
Area 17 said...: Hi Rachel! ;-)

Yep, some haiku drafts are really difficult to get down to a final succinct haiku.

Even today I'll still get caught up not knowing which word or words I have to excise to make the haiku better.

I still remember my first one which had so much packed into it, and I took as much out of it as possible before putting it away for several months.

When the time came round for next competition where I'd received a few commendations I brought it out.

It looked okay, wasn't packed out with words so I sent it off.

I couldn't believe it but it won the competition, was perfectly understood by the judge, and even today non-Australian poets often get it straight off.

So there's hope for us all! ;-)

Alan; January 27, 2010

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