fog obscures the streetsmoking a cigarettenext door's taxi waitsOr maybe?fog-filled streetthe taxi driver's cigarettenext door joins itAlanArea 17.
Like this one very much. Images are clear.Melanie
Thank you both.Alan -- I struggled with this one as you can tell. 'Next door' was too much information.
Hi Rachel! ;-)Yep, some haiku drafts are really difficult to get down to a final succinct haiku.Even today I'll still get caught up not knowing which word or words I have to excise to make the haiku better.I still remember my first one which had so much packed into it, and I took as much out of it as possible before putting it away for several months.When the time came round for next competition where I'd received a few commendations I brought it out.It looked okay, wasn't packed out with words so I sent it off.I couldn't believe it but it won the competition, was perfectly understood by the judge, and even today non-Australian poets often get it straight off.So there's hope for us all! ;-)Alan
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