Today is also ending--
at the bottom of the snowstorm
the gigantic sun

---Arō

____________________________
fog obscures the street
smoking a cigarette
next door's taxi waits

4 comments:

Alan Summers said...

fog obscures the street
smoking a cigarette
next door's taxi waits


Or maybe?

fog-filled street
the taxi driver's cigarette
next door joins it


Alan
Area 17

.

Cassiopeia Rises said...

Like this one very much. Images are clear.


Melanie

Leatherdykeuk said...

Thank you both.

Alan -- I struggled with this one as you can tell. 'Next door' was too much information.

Alan Summers said...

Hi Rachel! ;-)

Yep, some haiku drafts are really difficult to get down to a final succinct haiku.

Even today I'll still get caught up not knowing which word or words I have to excise to make the haiku better.

I still remember my first one which had so much packed into it, and I took as much out of it as possible before putting it away for several months.

When the time came round for next competition where I'd received a few commendations I brought it out.

It looked okay, wasn't packed out with words so I sent it off.

I couldn't believe it but it won the competition, was perfectly understood by the judge, and even today non-Australian poets often get it straight off.

So there's hope for us all! ;-)

Alan