Today is also ending--
at the bottom of the snowstorm
the gigantic sun

---Arō

____________________________
snow banks
gritty and blackened --
the last guest that lingers on forever

4 comments:

Alan Summers said...

I think you can turn this into a tanka somehow.

I don't like my version, but if you can introduce a turn in it yourself, you have a real winner.

e.g.

snow banks
gritty
and blackened --
the last guest
lingers on forever


gritty and blackened
the snow banks
my last guest
lingers on forever
before we can be together

Kelly Marszycki said...

your thoughts are always welcome, Alan! I'll have to do my homework as I'm not sure what a tanka is --

Alan Summers said...

Check out:
tanka

Do you have a copy of Bill's Haiku Handbook? It has most of the short forms as well as tanka.

all my best,

Alan

David said...

i thought

snow banks
gritty and blackened
the last to leave


i know it changes things

thanks

David