Today is also ending--
at the bottom of the snowstorm
the gigantic sun


feathered brown blossom
leaning into the sun --
small sparrow

(revised 12/24; thanks, Beatrice!)


Beatrice V said...

Beautifully lyrical image Kelly. But thinking in "haiku style" did you experiment with a more concise shape?
for example:

feathered brown blossom
leaning towards the sun(or sunrise)
small sparrow

Just a personal opinion, but I think the original lends itself to a longer poem, while the same image can be expressed more succinctly also, as a haiku.

Kelly M. said...

Thank you, Beatrice! Sometimes one tinkers too much and loses sight of the original intent?

Beatrice V said...

I love it, but also love the original if you were to work it into a longer poem. Merry Christmas!