leafless poplarcrowded with raucous starlingssudden silence You could move the lines around e.g.leafless poplarthe sudden silenceof raucous starlingsAs starlings are well known for their sounds when they invade our area, you could remove 'raucous'.You could concentrate on the other sounds made by rustling bodies replacing leaves? As there is really no such thing as silence you can use the alliteration and sibilance to suggest rustling bodies of starlings and not leaves. ;-)leafless poplarthe sudden silenceof starlingsall my best,AlanThe Super Renga.
You have a enviable skill in paring these to the essentials. Thank you.
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