Today is also ending--
at the bottom of the snowstorm
the gigantic sun

---Arō

____________________________
leafless poplar
crowded with raucous starlings
sudden silence

2 comments:

Alan Summers said...

leafless poplar
crowded with raucous starlings
sudden silence


You could move the lines around e.g.

leafless poplar
the sudden silence
of raucous starlings


As starlings are well known for their sounds when they invade our area, you could remove 'raucous'.

You could concentrate on the other sounds made by rustling bodies replacing leaves?

As there is really no such thing as silence you can use the alliteration and sibilance to suggest rustling bodies of starlings and not leaves. ;-)

leafless poplar
the sudden silence
of starlings



all my best,

Alan
The Super Renga

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Leatherdykeuk said...

You have a enviable skill in paring these to the essentials. Thank you.