Winter

leafless poplar
crowded with raucous starlings
sudden silence

Area 17 said...: leafless poplar
crowded with raucous starlings
sudden silence

You could move the lines around e.g.

leafless poplar
the sudden silence
of raucous starlings

As starlings are well known for their sounds when they invade our area, you could remove 'raucous'.

You could concentrate on the other sounds made by rustling bodies replacing leaves?

As there is really no such thing as silence you can use the alliteration and sibilance to suggest rustling bodies of starlings and not leaves. ;-)

leafless poplar
the sudden silence
of starlings

all my best,

Alan
The Super Renga

.; December 03, 2009
Rachel Green said...: You have a enviable skill in paring these to the essentials. Thank you.; December 03, 2009

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