I like your haiku, though wonder if you tell the truth as if it's a lie?It keeps the pivot line but opens the poem up, and I don't feel you need the fullstop/period unless you make the 'a' in the first capitalised?a crow crieshigh in the bare branchesmelting snowHere's one of my mine originally published in Romania (2005) but revised...carrion crow callthe river refractsa horsechestnut treeAlan Summersall my best,Alan
I agree regarding the unnecessary period. Otherwise, I love it, Rachel.
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2 comments:
I like your haiku, though wonder if you tell the truth as if it's a lie?
It keeps the pivot line but opens the poem up, and I don't feel you need the fullstop/period unless you make the 'a' in the first capitalised?
a crow cries
high in the bare branches
melting snow
Here's one of my mine originally published in Romania (2005) but revised...
carrion crow call
the river refracts
a horsechestnut tree
Alan Summers
all my best,
Alan
I agree regarding the unnecessary period. Otherwise, I love it, Rachel.
Post a Comment