Today is also ending--
at the bottom of the snowstorm
the gigantic sun

---Arō

____________________________
the grass sparkles
under a layer of frost
morning sunshine

4 comments:

Möme said...

This is beautiful, Rachel! What if you swapped the first and the last line?

morning sunshine
under a layer of frost
the grass sparkles

Dennis Tomlinson said...

I preferred the original. In my imagination I was looking first at the sparkling grass; then I was surprised by the sunbeams and looked upward. In the revised version the surprise is reduced.

Möme said...

I see your point, Dennis. :-) In my mind, I was seeing it the other way round - from the larger scenery to the detail of the grass. The element of surprise is the same, it's just a different angle.

Beatrice V said...

Ah... reading Rachel's original haiku and then all your comments, has triggered off an inspirational playfulness about it!

under a layer of frost
sparkles--
on the grass