This is beautiful, Rachel! What if you swapped the first and the last line?morning sunshineunder a layer of frostthe grass sparkles
I preferred the original. In my imagination I was looking first at the sparkling grass; then I was surprised by the sunbeams and looked upward. In the revised version the surprise is reduced.
I see your point, Dennis. :-) In my mind, I was seeing it the other way round - from the larger scenery to the detail of the grass. The element of surprise is the same, it's just a different angle.
Ah... reading Rachel's original haiku and then all your comments, has triggered off an inspirational playfulness about it! under a layer of frostsparkles--on the grass
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