Winter

the grass sparkles
under a layer of frost
morning sunshine

Möme said...: This is beautiful, Rachel! What if you swapped the first and the last line?

morning sunshine
under a layer of frost
the grass sparkles; January 31, 2011
Dennis Tomlinson said...: I preferred the original. In my imagination I was looking first at the sparkling grass; then I was surprised by the sunbeams and looked upward. In the revised version the surprise is reduced.; January 31, 2011
Möme said...: I see your point, Dennis. :-) In my mind, I was seeing it the other way round - from the larger scenery to the detail of the grass. The element of surprise is the same, it's just a different angle.; February 01, 2011
Beatrice V said...: Ah... reading Rachel's original haiku and then all your comments, has triggered off an inspirational playfulness about it!

under a layer of frost
sparkles--
on the grass; February 01, 2011

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